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"dude, I'm not in love...just bored" [entries|friends|calendar]
Krash

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I live..therefore I rule... [Tuesday
12/02/08 at 12:50am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Geez...it's been SO long that I forgot my log-on....that being said, I've never forgotten my LJ friends...

Hmmmm, where has time taken me?  Managing lots of different bands....work? life? romance? soul?
Touch and go @ work...feast or famine...should I say when *stuff* is good..when it's not...yea, you get the picture...

Life? ahead of the game, I think? Not in jail nor living on the street...*middle of the road*... I guess...
Romance?  Once again, thought I'd met the *love of my life*, but alas....not so much...broken and undecided from her previous marriage...I must be getting *smarter* cause I figured it out soon on...not years down the road.  Thank you baby Jesus!

Soul?  I have one...last time I checked...

In spite on all...I'm SO happy to be alive and kicking....many around me that are truly *lost*...

I'm JAZZED!  I get to see my nephew in Michigan for X_mass!  Lots of loudness and stuff!  Revenge on my sister for years of torture!

It's been a while, but I'd love to see devils_mouth and sal for the holidays!  Drinks on me....


To those to I haven't spoken to in a while...I've never forgotten you're kind words of encouragement or support...
Big *up's* to just_shoe_me for drinking Dom Perignon 1986 and hanging out on a Saturday...love ya'


xoxo

big_bear_love




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loosing a friend sucks... [Thursday
2/08/07 at 9:40am]
[ mood | confused ]

It's been three days since I've spoken to her...I miss her...not just in a g/f way.  I miss e-mailing and talking to her, hearing about her day...talking about *stuff*.  She's moved on to another guy that's been waiting in the wings for years...whatever...we made a very deep, personal connection.  She said that we'd always be the best of friends...every time we'd talk, I miss that closeness that only two people whom are intimate can share.  I'm happy for her, I really am...but I miss my friend.  I've vowed not to call, contact her...if only to see what she'd do...today will be the forth day without a word.  Unless I contact her, it would appear that it won't happen...loosing a close friend does indeed suck.

big_bear_love




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I guess I'm going to need to create a new *sex filter* [Monday
11/13/06 at 12:29pm]

I took Saturday off from work in order to acclimate my body to weekends off...lol.  In addition, I had a date with Elizabeth...Wanted to take her to dinner...Upon chatting, we decided that I'd just cook her dinner at my place.  I figured that it'd be a nice relaxing night for her.  She loved the idea.
Spent the afternoon preparing so I could just throw dinner together and chill.  Menu consisted of fresh brochette made with a nice crispy baguette, bunch of cut up veggies and homemade dip....Bought two bottles of my favorite Chardonnay chilling..lol.  Sat her on a stool at my breakfast bar, poured her a glass of wine and went to work on the main dish of grilled chicken marsala(from scratch), spring salad and sting beans in a wine/butter reduction...it turned out perfectly.  Funny, she's so used to running around and cooking for her girls, that she couldn't relax and not help...lol.  Every time she'd offer to help, I'd sit her back down, give her a kiss and tell her to relax...she finally got the hint..lol.  Every once in a while, she'd come up behind me and rub my shoulders and back, give me a a little kiss...very sweet.  Dinner turned out really well, she was impressed....the rest of the night was spent sprawled out on my couch or in my bed...story for another post.
big_bear_monday_love




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new job, new girl...new life... [Monday
10/30/06 at 6:29pm]
Subject line says it all...a quote from my friend Lisa. Working on the new job...lol
The new girl has a lot of potential...Great personality, uber adventurous/sexy/sensual,
very intelligent/smart/bright. Very *up front* about life and her past, she hides nothing. She has two teen aged daughters(14 & 18)raising them on her own. She's a fighter/survivor...I dig that. We have much *life experience* in common. We talk for hours about everything and nothing...never boring. We make each other laugh. She tall, thick and curvy...beautiful eyes and long dark hair...sigh...very striking
Love to hear her sultry voice...very hot. Lets just say *E* has an adventurous streak(that rivals mine)...
My kind of girl...lol. Seems like I've found a wonderful gal that has all the same *appetite* for adventure in life without the *crazy*...lol
Possible night out Thursday for dinner and fun, then taking her to a *day of the dead* party on Friday so she can meet some of my friends...
When I land the *new* gig...it's basically 9 am - 5 pm M-F...no more weekends! I'll have a *regular* life again! For the first time in a really long time, it all feels right...like I'm on the verge of something big...a total paradigm shift...say your prayer, x your fingers and take your vitamins...I could use a break...big_bear_love to all



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*rocked* my phone interview...hell yea! [Monday
10/30/06 at 4:59pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

ok, those of you that read my journal will note that I on the job *hunt*. Ironically, I have offer coming from everywhere. The two most promising are a job as a mortgage broker and a headhunter/recruiter. Last Wednesday, I was working my second job at Mad Dawgs saloon, when an old co-worker showed up. He running a division of a large mortgage company. Asked how work was..blah, blah, blah...long story short. He offers me a position with a 10k signing bonus...sounds too good to be true. Gotta be a catch, although I *know* other people working there and they're all making big bank...

But the job that I really want is recruiter/head hunter. One of my favorite clients worked for a local firm, she'd best friends with the owner. Bottom line she spoke with him, he's actually looking for someone. He loved my resume, called me Friday afternoon...we had a *phone* interview...I totally rocked it~! I have a formal interview at ten am on Wednesday! Wish me luck!




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told ya' I was *one of a kind* [Thursday
10/19/06 at 1:22pm]

HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?




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a part of my youth is dead...C.B.G.B's is closing [Thursday
10/12/06 at 10:50am]
[ mood | sad ]

After thirty three years the legendary club that *birthed* the modern punk/alternative scene is closing it's doors. 




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back from Michigan...now with pics [Monday
10/02/06 at 11:12am]

Flew into Michigan for my nephews baptism this weekend.  Spent the entire weekend with my family.  Stayed at my sister and brother in laws in Ann Arbor.  It was amazing, just what my soul needed.  An entire weekend surrounded by family and the energy of my nephew.  My father wouldn't let go of this kid..lol.  Had to practically pry him from my dad and mom.  Proud and happy grandparents.  It was wild to see my dad such a mush with the baby.
He's such a good baby...happy, bouncy, smiley...very social, loves attention.  He didn't cry all weekend...except when hungry.  Got to feed him twice...I was *up* in the middle of the night...it was so cool.  He's was awesome on Sunday, slept through most of the church ceremony.  Didn't even flinch when they poured the water over his head...had a great reception back at my sisters home, complete with my all my inlaws.  Awesome time.  I'm tired, back at work, but very *jazzed...more pics to follow.



big_bear_love




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neiner, neiner, neiner.... [Friday
9/22/06 at 3:16pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Tonight I have the distinct privilege of hanging out with the beautiful just_shoe_me...and your not!
We will ROCK Providence...ok, maybe just a minor disturbance...I now return you to our regularly scheduled programming!




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summer is for block island and *flip flops* [Wednesday
8/09/06 at 9:27am]
[ mood | bouncy ]




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this happened less than a thousand yards from last nights gig...very tragic [Monday
8/07/06 at 11:16am]



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someone? anyone? [Friday
8/04/06 at 12:57am]
please explain....why am I having one of the finest summers(of my life), yet...at the end of the night, my heart is heavy for her...I have the urge to call/e-mail and ask how she is...and does she remember me...and miss me...I feel such the looser...why is life so difficult?  I've had other offers...yet she still remains in the back of my brain..do I contact her? was she the *true* love of my life?  I think not...otherwise she'd be here now...am I wrong?  Did a great gig in Hartford tonight...she'd have loved it...lots of songs we've dug...time we've shared...I'm a sad, romantic moron...she'll alway's own a piece of my soul...God, I'd give my right arm not to remember/forget her...I want to be free of her...please God...why must this hurt so much for so long...thought by now she'd be erased from my mind...I feel so empty and hollow...how did I allow this to happen?  This is what you get for trusting/believing/faith in someone...lesson learned...deep down, my crime was enthusism/love/earnest...I'm guilty...put me up against the fucking wall and put me out of my misery...is it so wrong to love someone like you want to be loved?  guess so...once again...lesson I'd prefered not to learn...big_bear_love



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red is good...I like red [Saturday
7/01/06 at 10:29am]
[ mood | amused ]

Your Aura is Red
You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.
Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works!

The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures

Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez

Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon


I share this with Madonna? WTF?  career choice...dancer? lol...I can dance, but professionally? 




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[Sunday
5/21/06 at 2:18am]
[ mood | awake ]

*which way to go?......I don't know*




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[Thursday
5/11/06 at 3:30pm]
anyone *know* how to set up LJ e-mail? I have a paid account...duh?



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is there a recovery program for hetrosexual males addicted to shoes? [Sunday
11/13/05 at 5:56pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Another new pair of Doc Martens to add to the collection. When I wear these, I get SO much attention from woman. I wonder if this is what it feel like when a hot chick wears stiletto pumps and get lots of looks?
hmmm? big_bear_love




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ok...I'm a chick? WTF? [Friday
10/28/05 at 1:28pm]
[ mood | amused ]


You are Ilsa Lund. "Is that cannon fire, or
is that my heart pounding?"


Which Casablanca character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My favorite movie...possibly the finest film ever made...Bogart at his dry, sarcastic, drunken finest(a role model for the_big_bear)...and I end up the sensitive but strong chick? WTF? Goes to prove, I am indeed a hot, fem lesbian in a mans body...




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Rarrrwwrrr....hard, sweet and sticky [Friday
10/28/05 at 12:30pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Lord! Oh, yeah.
When you need a friend through thick and thin
Don't look to those above you.
When you're down and out, ain't no doubt
Nobody wants you.

But you're rock candy baby
Hard, sweet and sticky.
Rock candy baby
Hard, sweet and sticky.

When you're seventeen reachin' for your dreams
Don't let no one reach it for you.
Pull up your pants,
Stretch out take a chance.
If it can be done, you can do it.

Can't really understand why this song from my past has come to such significance lately...hmmm?




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Alcohol, how do I love thee, let me count the ways [Monday
10/24/05 at 4:41pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours! You have entertained the masses for a long time running. Without you, our weekends just wouldn’t be as kick ass as they usually tend to be.

Your many dimensions are mind boggling. Yes, my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, sapphires in the princess glass, a beer with the game, drinks with friends. You're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of dreaded endless family gatherings.

Yet, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2am.

2. Eating: why you suggested that I eat a a slice of cheese pizza coupled with easy mac and some stale chips is beyond me. Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down, break shit, knock countless things off tables and counters, and walk into walls that somehow appear out of nowhere. Completely unnecessary. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but we usually have to use a series of digital slideshows to piece the night together. Sometimes this backfires and you end up with pictures of people who shall remain nameless peeing in snow banks in the middle of crowded parking lots.

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him from somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase 'let's F***' is illegal from now on.
Furthermore, the hangovers have GOT to stop. Now, I know a little penance for the previous evenings debauchery may be in order, but the 2pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, 4 Advil, and bread products) prior to going to bed or passing out facedown on the bathroom floor with my unpasted toothbrush still in my mouth, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities. Come on now, it's only fair you do your part, I'll do mine.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

the_big_bear




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ok, I'll meet you guys for ONE drink... [Monday
10/24/05 at 9:59am]
[ mood | awake ]

So on Friday, my pal Tony calls to remind me that we're meeting for a drink to celebrate the birth of his daughter...ok, cool...I'm beat after a long week, but *I'll meet ya' for one*...famous last words.
Dragged my ass to Hartford where I met Tony and our friend JR...it became quickly evident that this is going to be a late night...Next thing ya' know we're boppin' all over town...think it was about 2:15 am when I flopped into bed...I almost killed the alarm clock when it went off at 7:30 am for a nice LONG day of work...exhausted all day, but SO worth seeing my pals...could have been much worse as I couldn't find anyone to blast Tequilla with...big_bear_blah




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